Hi baby!

Hi baby!!!!! yipes its been awhile since ive been on here :/ sorreh :] Weeelp YOU are at work right now and I am procrastinating (<-- help) And by procrastinating I mean- wait no im procrastinating. But its for an amazing cause! (you) Hmmm where to start where to start... Ok baby first I'm really glad you realized how and when to be "selfish" and in all reality your not being selfish because when you are not being what you define as selfish, you are being selfless. I don't think i need to use examples baby you know how you are. But doing things for yourself is not quite as selfish as you may think(INO! just wait ill explain). Maybe you are doing them for selfish reasons but they usually are not selfish acts. Just think about that for awhile. Yes not making your dad a sandwhich would be considered selfish by him but sitting in front of the tv playing video games with me on your day off is completly reasonable. Especially because your spending time with me and not doing things for him, which is really valuable. Whether you would do the same with me not there i dont know but in that instance I really appreciated your decision. Then i felt way too guilty for him. woops. but we made it together which still counts. Now you must be thinking that I am also selfish. Maybe i am, i dont know i dont really care. Nobody really cares anywho because it only affects us. In a positive way. So basically what im saying in a strange, unidentifiable way is that I'm selfish sometimes, and so are you but doing things for yourself is not by any means selfish. I dont really feel like explaining because i wanna switch subjects. But ya baby,
like you said, doing things for yourself is a neccesity in this world/way of living.
Ok i really dont like what this next paragraph is about and i know you dont either but i need to say it because it's not fair to me. Dont worry i have a random happy paragraph after this one that you can look forward to. Just get through it and understand where im coming from.
Baby i already mentioned this but im going to say it in another way. When you become upset with me put yourself in my shoes. When have i ever tried to upset you? Why would I? When you become upset with me you say dangerous things that are really hurtful to me. Sometimes i say things that may sound like i dont think about them before i say them. But I ALWAYS think about what i mean, i cant always find the correct words to describe to you what i mean. Next time just tell me to explain, I hope you know i will clear it up. I can't just forget about what you say to me.I need to bring this up and get it out of the way and i did but i want to make sure that you know that it does hurt me. Just something to save for the future. Can we talk about this tonight?
Now for the transition. 1. Don't worry or over think this ^ I just want to talk to you about it. Its not a problem because it doesnt happen often and we always work through it. 2. I know you know i care for you because its evident in my speech and actions which (you being the anaylist you are) you easily pick up on. But I'll say it plainly. Baby I care for you so much. I'm so lucky to have you. Look at todays secret.
Okay now onto my favorite subject- YOU! When I look at you I have the urge to sing aloud. Like any random happy song that pops into my head. Even if its not happy it gets turned into a happy song because of my mood. its like as soon as i see you and know that i get to come up to you and talk to you or hold your hand or kiss you or hug you or something i have the best feeling inside me. It's actually foreign to me because I do things to be around you that if i did to be around one of my friends i would strongly question myself. They would probably question me too. But anyways Everyday i begin thinking about seeing you after second period midpoint through 1st period, not because it gives me something to think about, I have You to think about. I always start off thinking about you with the thought of how i saw you last. Today it was at your car, you had your red target shirt(long sleeve) on, the khacky pants(yea you were right theyr khacky), and your favorite overcoat jacket thing with the skirt thing(iono but it looks really great on you). I just remember you leaning into your car about to step in, rushing because you were running out of time. and then i think back to what we did. Rushing to your car, back through the door, up the stairs, into your room where i found you a jacket even though you didnt want to wear the white one because of the fuzzies. Good thing you grabbed the overcoat jacket thing with the skirt thing because you might have been cold. While you were in the bathroom a grabbed you a pair of socks and stuffed them under the bathroom door even i knew you could have just as easily put them on on your bed. Back into bed we go and the beating heart in my throat that is our dissapearing time slowly lowers as we keep moving backwards in our day. Your phone goes off but you turn it off and continue to lay with me. I didnt want you to go to work either. Back to me rubbing your back and then us being close. Closer than just relaxed together. Even though it was kindof an accident.. Woops(not the first time though). Then to sleep. Those damn dishes are so annoying. Who wants to waste 20 minutes on them anyways. Who wants to hear about wasting 20 mins on them? Not you :) At least we got to do them together. *heart*. Back into bed. Annoyed and unwanting. turn that alarm off again :) much more relaxed and tired. Although we didnt sleep at all... Baby this is what goes through my head pretty much all day :) when i say im thinking about you this is what i mean. I basically relive all the moments we share together and somehow get free emotions from them. Good ones. AMAZING ones. Today it was that normal jacket and then the puffy winter jacket. IM NOT A STALKER!!!! ok maybe a little. :)

Todays Secret:
To an ocean that is this world, you are just another boat floating atop its swells. But to me you are the boat keeping me afloat, keeping me from sinking to its depths with all the others who know no such grace as yours.

Check out this video. It was really cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6sx0s4sRwo

Today WAS FUNNN!!!!!

Hey cutie just lettin ya know that today, i enjoyed every aspect of what we did especially the video games at the end <3 sleeping all day and not doing anything was the greatest with you :)

Todays secret: I think my favorite part about today besides knowing that i took you all the way there (YOU know) (< btw it was kindof hard to tell if you enjoyed it, i really hope you did) was either looking at your face when the fisherman from jaws died :] or my hopeless attempts at protecting you from the aliens and then would die and you come resue me :) although your impersonations of ThE DaRkNesS were priceless XD

<3 Joe

your video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXEq7WiINa4

this is to let you know that im practicing it :)

Merry Christmas!!!!

Well, when I was little I believed Christmas wasn't Christmas without the expensive presents and santa and the tree and the whole bit. Starting from two years ago I really started understanding that Christmas is about spending time with people you care about. In a way it is about the gifts also. Well, giving gifts. Last Christmas my grandfather passed away 2 days before Christmas and that was the most miserable christmas i had ever spent. A person whom I loved with all my heart and cared about had passed away and I wanst able to be around him during the time that i wanted to. It was really difficult because he really made Christmas Christmas for me. He was the one paying attention to every detail of the presents he wrapped, he would even make his own cards. Seeing how joyful he was around Christmas really made Christmas what it used to be. Yea, it will never be the same without him because he had a place that nobody could take or fill. So on this Christmas day I am thankful for all the time i was able to spend with him and everything he did for me. I am thankful for all the interactions we had and everything we did together. I am sad to be writing this because I really miss your presence this Christmas. Everybody does. Merry Christmas Grampy.

I am thankful for you, Hale. I am so very thankful for you. Spending christmas with you was and is amazing. You are such a wonderful person and I care about you so much. I am constantly being surprised and put in awe of the many positive attributes you have. You are so special to me and I am extremly happy that I was able to spend Christmas with you. But not just Christmas, every moment we spend together is special to me. I really treasure you and the time we spend together. Having you as a part of me is such a great feeling, its unexplainable. I honestly cannot convey to you what you mean to me. The place you have in my life is not one that can anybody else could fill and how you are as a person, what makes you-you is why I care about you so much. The way your eyes go when you smile, the way your hair flips when you flip it, the way you look at me when i say something stupid, the way you giggle, the little dance moves you do when your happy, the way you indirectly sing to me, the necklace that you have worn all your life, the way your eyes dance, the true color of your lively eyes, how cute you look when you do a nose-scrunch, how cute you look in your footie pajamas, the way your body flows together when you do something, the way you beg for me not to run my cold hands up your back, the time and effort you put into the things you do for me, your view on everything, the way you can get lost in your own world (walked outta the store with the hat, drove up to lake forest ect. <3), the way your smile lights up my life, the effect you have on me, your honest opinion, the way you flip off your dad when he leaves your room after angering you(,3), the way you are such an amazing person. I have no idea what a person such as you is doing with me but I won't ask questions. I feel weak at my knees when i think of how much i care about you and how you, as a person, have such an effect on me. I have such a desire to be with you and hold you close to feel your rythmic breathing. To have you in my life makes me feel so full. You are the most fulfilling person i know. Each time i talk to you or about you I'm left feeling something past satified. You bring me many things and one of which is hope. You give me hope that one day everything will be in order. One day i will be able to get in bed and fall directly asleep without thinking about "things" before i do. I feel as if the chance of tommorow being better than today is more than possible with you in my life. You make everthing i do worthwhile. You make me feel as though I'm rich. Laying next to you while watching some netflix is one of my favorite things to do. And thats all time favorites not things to with you or things to do when we have nothing else to do. Its when i feel rich with pleasure and joy. well I feel rich with pleasure and joy everytime I'm with you or even thinking about you. you mean so much to me Hale. I heart you sooo much! Ok I has to go to your house soon to experience all of this ^ :) yayay!

hi baby!

hi this is just a stupid post to show you how insane i am. If you didnt know i was this crazy you will now. Remember how i told you i have 3n hhours of reading left?and that i have 8-9 summaries left? i forgot to mention math hw :) im fucked. but thats ok because i want you to know that i heart you soooo much that im writing you this message instead of doing my hw and ill have to stay up super late to accomplish it but thats ok because i have you and youll be my drive to complete it. well your my drive for alot of things. :) you have that effect on me. you have a lot of effects on me. <3 okay heres the lyrics that i started writing. try to sing them in your own way and make them sound good. Voice only. next time i see you we can compare how we sing them and make it better.

Allow it to control you
Let it push you around
Hope for once you’ll be saved
Scream your lungs away
Look to the skies,
Hope you’ll be okay
Make shapes of stars,
Forget about today.

thats only the first stanza but i only want to toy with this one so far. NO EDITING just play with it with your voice. unless it something that really bothers you, then you can edit it. okay time for the idiot to start his hw <3 by baby i <3 u
secret- its not really goodbye because im still txting you but you think im doing hw >:) hehehehe :/ your going to kill me. and by kill me i hope you mean kiss me.

Heylo

Hi baby!! guess what?! I'm up later than youuuuuu areeeeeeee :) or at least thats what you led me to believe, you could be up secretly composing something or whatever else you do after midnight haha. okayyyy shooooo here this is the poem you gave me today and wanted to see my initial reaction to. now you said you had no idea what it means and you couldnt interpret it(highly improbable knowing you), but i will definatly try.Either way, there is a meaning to it, even if it means nothing because meaning nothing still means something. So anyways i thought it would be interesting to interpret it (the joe way)

If there is no way to reach me
Then the iris lost its colors long ago
And the birds could only fly so high
But remember there's a purpose for wrong
So keep it coming
How far will you let me walk dismayed?
When it's with numbness we all fall
Will we be seized?
Sleep for the verdict to come before long
I've been on higher ground
That is how we are absorbed.
And I know you can't veil any more
If I am exposed, I am not invincible
Clouds kind of tend to tangle around the moon anyway
so how much further can your essence reach for?
Elucidate Everything : Me, you, us, them.
Because there's nothing left that hasn't brought penury.
And I demand an evaporation of the hollow tree branches.
Do you mean it when you tell her everything?
Something this delicate can be elusive
The vanishing is precariously tangible
You are entraced, so much is unspoken
Step through the vault and into my reasoning
But do not request
Prelude all else, or what is left will solidify
Live in progress. Reach.
Reach for me.

So most of this is really just complete guessing. here it goes

You are unreachable if you are dead. Only so many good things can happen in this world, and maybe wrong isn't so wrong after all because its necessary. Continue living as you do. Save you before we are all gone, will we all be gone? Something is coming and you are unsure of it's outcome. Being unsure means theres a chance of a bad outcome. you know [the person] cannot conceal you anymore, and you are left vulnerable and you know it.What little light you had to hlp you, is now gone. how hard can you try? make Me, you ,us, and them clearly visible because they too will bring insufficiancy and poverty. And make all that is fake disappear. Mean what you say and say what you mean, be careful. Unseen things are believeable. Unseen things carry much weight. Come inside you but only if you are invited. Begin everything for what is left is gone. Continue to come closer to your core.

Now a few words, I think some parts of this are about me but some are about other people, (im not saying which) and i id this line by line. I know its a poor interpretation but maybe you can look it over and correct me where I'm wrong.. I have a poem for you to look at but im too tired to give it to you right now because i have to turn 2 poems into one, ill explain more when i give them to you. <3 sorry baby no music or lyrics tonight, but i will tell you a secret-- BAM its 1AM *crash* im out. haha good night <3

This is what you were supposed to get 2 nights ago

Now before you read, let me tell you that (obviously) its part of the poem, not the whole thing, your going to have to wait for it :] hehehe arent i mean? Also its a pretty simple poem, but like always there are things hidden in it. Hope you like it.

Hi baby
How are you today?
Are you feeling okay?
I hope you feel great everyday.
I’m writing this for you
Feeling like I always do
So when you read this cutie
Just know that I feel this for you
No matter what is happening
Read this on days you feel alone
Read this on days we don’t have phones
Think of us while laying down
That’s what I’m doing right now
I think about you all the time
I come up with a million stupid rhymes
So now it’s just me
Putting them on paper
For you to read
And think about later.

I hate giving you something
That is supposed to fill the my place
Because you can’t hear me sing
Or feel my embrace
It reminds me of the chocolates you hate
But I can relate
Because I feel incomplete
When we are not together
Although the thought of you
Makes me light as a feather
Makes my body renewed
You when your full of joy
Makes me feel more like a boy
Than anyone else can
You make me feel better about myself
Better than I actually am
You bring out in me
What I want people to see
You know the pain I hide
And you comfort me inside
So many things I admire in you
I notice all the things you do
I like listening too
So, so many things I admire in you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikv7TI87io -- just what i was singing, no correspondence to post.

Todays secret: I had one of those life flashbacks and you were in it. If you dont know what a life flash back is, its when your life "flashes" before your eyes.

Waste of time

Well tongiht i wasted a lot of my time typing out a post and then when i reread it it sounded so stupid that i closed the page. This one is just to let you know that i care about you sooooo much even when you hurt me and that I'm thinking about you. See you tommorow baby