The insignificants

In a dark cell with bars so cold stands many allianced cells, all working towards a common goal- a goal to be something larger than just a single cell. A mass of life congregating into the frame of something with the drive to escape the increasingly shrinking cell. Pressed to escape, staring out while so many masses stare in. To feel is to see, to see is to hear, to hear is to smell, to smell is to taste, to taste is to be, to be free of the bars. Answer me this, why are they, the cells granted the gift of life? And why are they united as one superior human? The trapped human believes the power lies in him to control the masses which make him up, but doesn't understand that the mass is a democracy with no one cell superior to the next. Forms what he thinks are his words, captures images with his eyes, but doesn't realize what he believes in has always been a lie. It isn't birds that fly, and fish don't swim, when his breath stops the cells die.

Strange going-ons

Well since you went to sleep early (hopefully cause youre dead tired and not had a bad day) im going to talk you, as if im instant messaging you except you cant type back. So I wanna start out with this- i was eating pizza (yeah we had it again) and watching tv about 10 mins ago (10oclock) and got a wierd feeling.. Its kindof a long story so bear with me. My dad was being himself this morning and heres what happened. Appreeantly there was a bunch of mouse poo like all over our counter and on the floor and when they woke up they freaked. Ronny as in "disinfect call exterminator" dad as in">:( why does everything in this house have to be MY responsibility blah blah blah" and ronny exploded on him.. he desereved it. then ronny stayed home all day cleaning the whole house with bleach and did an amazing job. Shes the type of person where heres the problem heres the solution, dad is like heres the problem why do i have to have this problem why cant it all be perfect this cant be my fault everything sucks. so when i got home before rop ronny greeted me and i said hi and she exlained everything qabout the mice (not my dad)then i went in to the garage and was putting my helmet back together (i washed the pads in it) when she came in and was like we need to talk.. I was like alright and she was like ok well im not upset with you or mad at you and i was like o well is there anything im doing that makes uncomforatble or that i do to tbe better is there anything? "nope" okay. "okay were good right?" yeah. then she started talking to me about dad and what happened that mmorning and some other stuff. so then my dad got home and iono i guess he apologized and it was all okay and he was totally fine until he was putting in a new better sealing dog door (to keep mice out)and asked me where the drill was. (I had been working for him for about 2.5 hours at that point) i told him it was at work where WE last used it. He asked me to bring it in to do something to the boat and we never brought it back. So he mood quickly swung and he was dronging on about why everyhting is his responsibiblty but honestly im not at his work very often. So then he made it my problem and asked if mom(teri)had one he could borrow. I said i didn know and that he should call and find out. He was appalled that i had asked him to do that so i suggested that i call and he just angrily muttered while walking to the garage door then yells i know you dont care if the door stays unlocked for 24 hours but i do and slams the door. at this point i was pretty confused and angry. for one i felt that this treatment was unfair to me and 2 i am getting more annoyed everytime i feel like i have to do something for him. So 5 minutes later he comes back in and im like dammit.. and he goes to my stuff and grabs a piece of wood and joyfully says im going to cut this and use it as a dowel to lock the door. So 5 mins he comes back with his measured chunk of wood and asks me to cut it so i did without saying anything and handed him the cut piece. thanks he said and left. I wasnt having one of my best nights. Ive gotten so used to me "taking care of him" that its an annoyance. I can even finish his sentances better than he can. and he always asks me to something by saying this-"hey joe we need to move ronny's car or yeah we should go clean that up." thats pretty annyoing i must say.. But getting to the wierd thing. Every so often i keep get the feeling that something outside the walls of MY DADS house wants to harm me. Like really harm me. I dont know why but not kill me just bring permanent harm to me. There are many nights where i sit and think about who could want revenge against him or feel like theres something he just hasnt told anyone. The strange part is that i got that feeling tonight. Except this time its a sinking feeling in my stomach and everytime i go into my room i close the blinds and check the locks becuase i dont know whats out there. the scariest part for me when i go out into the darkensss(when i do) is the transition from light to dark. There are people like me that enjoy the dark but they are already in the dark waiting for me to be helpless in the short transition. Meh im tired but i dont want to sleep tonight. I wish you were here with me in my bed to help forget about everything. I know you wish the same. We are alike. Very much alike in many ways. In other ways we are different. not a seperating different, just an enjoyable change of taste different. I suppose i should go to bed. im pretty tired. I did alot of work today though. as soon as i got home from rop i worked on the quad until i ate pizza about an hour ago. Wow ive been typing for an hour. thats good. that means ive been thinking for about 45 mins(about you) which makes the pit in my stomach go away. Sometimes i really dont like where im at. hopefully tommrow will be better to me. the song summarizes my night. I can explain later it all later. Goodnight my sweet baby.

Secret:I gave up tongiht as soon as i knew you were asleep.
song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Q5t4Q26o0

This was for you

I sit out here all alone,
Gazing past the crowds to a place beyond.
Looking at whose eyes shown,
Sitting alone from dusk to dawn.
As the world turns round I watch
People living lives so lost
Time ticks away with the clocks



I wait here all alone
Gazing through the crowds
For one to change it all.
Take your time it’s okay,
I’ll be listening for your call each day.
Look for the one staring out,
The one lost in doubt.


As the people surround,
we watch the world turn round,
we see the sky fall down,
But we stand wearing the crown.


I’m found here now,
We both stare past.
Lets take a bow,
Time's moving fast.
Nothing is said,
only things seen
Much less ahead,
Were safe in between.


So lets hold each other tight,
Until we see the bright light.
And forget the rest.
Just stay pressed against my chest,
And look into my eyes,
So you wont hear the cries,
of those who don't trust,
in me and you together, in us

Hi baby


For some reason my phone isnt working or something i tried txting you 3x and i called 2x but you dont seem to get any of them.. Anyways well have to figure that out, but I'm thinking about you and hearting you here, well anywhere.. Anyways, I know you enjoy reading things that are written for you and i wrote this for you and i hope it brings a smile to your lips or a warmness inside.
I really like the band thrice and they came out with this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZUG_3JVgXs

i really like the acoustic version of it.. Maybe you will too. I'm sure you'll like the lyrics though

http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/thrice/stareatthesun.html

Secret: You are honestly all I think about when I'm alone. Whether I'm behind closed doors or under a car, if I'm alone I'm completely focused on you. Even when I'm around other people with distractions your presence is still inside me!!! With each other we can make it through anything<3

I heart you baby, I'm gonna crash. <3

Calling all Pooka's

Okay to start off i have to talk about the little things you do. I really like it when you call me pooka. Alot. And even though i might act embarrassed or have a strange reaction to when you say it around other people, i really do like it because it makes me feel special. btw I've been trying to come up with a good nickname for you but because your so complex its really difficult. But don't worry it will come eventually. Also when i was talking to your mom i kept thinking about how special you are and what your mom would think if she was inside my head.. I really like how its okay that i came with you to the doctors, because my parents would think it was weird if you came with me. Well depends on the circumstance. I could sense the tension between you and your mom when you said you were going alone. Shes pretty persistent though and im sure she caught on. I have a feeling she already knows what were doing or at least has an idea. anywhays, I'm laying here in bed thinking about you and how your doing. I wish i could tuck you into bed and give a good goodnight kiss. then crawl in next to you. Sometimes i get so excited because i get the feeling that im going to get to fall asleep with you some nights but then when i start thinking about it i realize that you have to go home. this is going to sound strange but im sure you could tell- im actually having fun helping you pick out your bikini top and bottoms. It really made me enjoy picking out clothes and i think next time i go shopping im going to do it online (better prices/selection)and put alot more effort into my outfits. I think we could have fun with that. I was looking around today for some boardshorts but i really couldnt find any i liked, so well have to walk through pacsun,jacks surf shop,that place at the district, or something along those lines and pick somthing out. sound kewl? balls i should probalby go to sleep sometime soon.. I could sit here and type about anything and everything that has to do with us forever. but yeah i had a really fun time laughing and being with you today. I keep seeing other "new" couples around school and stuff and i always get so happy because we have so much more than they do and we have all these secret inside jokes and were always laughing at random things. Just look how happy we are!! even when things dont go our way. This last week was problably one of our worst weeks--not in our relationship, more just in general.. not a very good week but we just danced right through it and look where we are now!! Its nice when things change. shoot okay i broke my own curfew :) i gots to go before i yell at myself :) goodnight azizam ill cya tommorow <3

secret--sometimes i feel mentally retarded(deservingly) when i say something and you blankly stare at me as if to say ill let you take it back but you only have a couple of seconds before I say something so hurry up and change it. :) its really funny

Hello old friend :)

^thats me talking to blogger. I've been away for awhile i know.. Just a re-cap of today! You cameover today for awhile to do some hw. This task in itself is somewhat unbelievable because knowing us, there is no way that we could get ANYTHING done together. Somehow we did. Well after some pouting and kissing and some more pouting we did. I even got my room cleaner!!!! Whenever you are doing hw or on the computer or txting or something, when your trying to concentrate, I say funny things in an attempt to get you to smile and i always feel so good when i see a little smirk stretch over your face. That happened a few times today and it was nice to see. You wanna know something really funny that i keep thinking about? okay here it goes. Remember today when you were like (taunting/jokingly) this is what my mom makes and yours microwaves frozen ones of this lol(lasagna). Well I got kindof sad right away because its so true lol. Your family makes the most amazing food!! I keep laughing to myself about it because your mom just whipped it up after school (like she always does) and my mom wastes like half of today on that shitty roast that tasted like cardboard. Your mom is a good cook--*jealous* did i ever tell you that you are too? you can make so much stuffs. I get so impressed when you marinade the chicken/meat, or when we eat chicken or meat because i know like half the time(if not all of it) its you who basically prepared it.Cooking is a great quality of yours. You know what else is a great quality of yours?
*Your a very giving and generous person. In sooo many ways. Oh you want examples? okay :)
You're always giving people your time, which is pretty valuable. You have run countless errands for you family especially your sister and dad. (I have no idea why)
You will always take extra time to help somebody understand something. You always go into detail with people when they dont understand.
You are not easily annoyed :) i can sit there all day and do pretty much whatever i want to you (except cut off a lock of your hair) and you will not get annoyed. I can't imagine how you deal with your target customers either.. Theyr probably worse than me. Which brings me to my next point.
*You are so damn responsible! Baby you are more responsible than a lot of adults are. Think about it. You work hard at school. You are always doing your homework and keeping after yourself to do better. You deserved every bit of that hug and praise that your dad gave your for grades. You have really hard classes. Not compared to me, compared to normal students at uni. I dont remember if i told you, but I'm proud of how well you do in school. You work hard at work too. How many times have you been late? Once? You were keeping up with 20 hours a week baby!!!!!! even 14 hours a week and school is a lot to handle for a person. in health my teacher asked us if we worked and the person who worked the most in our class worked 12 hours a week and was talking about how stressful it is. I was like laughing to myself knowing my baby worked 20 hours a week and still had time for me! She even sells red cards sometimes! He worked at jamba juice or something easy. Dealing with people especially socal people is not by any means easy like basically what your job is plus a few more annoying complications, I know you know that.
*Baby you have so many amazing traits about you that just draw me closer and keep me in awe of you. Theres no way i could name all of them because theres ones like the one below this that have as much as impact on the people around you as the first couple do. You are purely amazing and you have soooooo many things going for you baby. I'm so happy to be with you and around you. I value having you in my life more than you know baby.
*If you get hurt you don't complain, and if you do complain its because you're seriously hurt. Through all my headbanging, gut crushing, wrist breaking ninja moves your are still somehow alive. :)

**What other guy gets to play video games with his girlfriend? enough said.

YOU, that's right baby you, Bubble, are an amazing person who will continue to amaze the people around you with her constant giggling and sound effects. Look out world because here comes BUBBLE (buh-buhl)

I'm not even gonna reread it because i want you to see it in raw form. Imma go find ya a video!
okay here this is to you because every time I'm on the computer and i think about you i always sing along to this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GuX-F08fwI

Today's secret: I don't tell you this enough but you alone are amazing Bubble, you don't need any person but yourself to be amazing. You are composed of so many qualities, experiences, thoughts, and emotions that have created who you are. you have had such an impact on my life. No matter what turns our lives take please don't ever change.

Hi baby!

Hi baby!!!!! yipes its been awhile since ive been on here :/ sorreh :] Weeelp YOU are at work right now and I am procrastinating (<-- help) And by procrastinating I mean- wait no im procrastinating. But its for an amazing cause! (you) Hmmm where to start where to start... Ok baby first I'm really glad you realized how and when to be "selfish" and in all reality your not being selfish because when you are not being what you define as selfish, you are being selfless. I don't think i need to use examples baby you know how you are. But doing things for yourself is not quite as selfish as you may think(INO! just wait ill explain). Maybe you are doing them for selfish reasons but they usually are not selfish acts. Just think about that for awhile. Yes not making your dad a sandwhich would be considered selfish by him but sitting in front of the tv playing video games with me on your day off is completly reasonable. Especially because your spending time with me and not doing things for him, which is really valuable. Whether you would do the same with me not there i dont know but in that instance I really appreciated your decision. Then i felt way too guilty for him. woops. but we made it together which still counts. Now you must be thinking that I am also selfish. Maybe i am, i dont know i dont really care. Nobody really cares anywho because it only affects us. In a positive way. So basically what im saying in a strange, unidentifiable way is that I'm selfish sometimes, and so are you but doing things for yourself is not by any means selfish. I dont really feel like explaining because i wanna switch subjects. But ya baby,
like you said, doing things for yourself is a neccesity in this world/way of living.
Ok i really dont like what this next paragraph is about and i know you dont either but i need to say it because it's not fair to me. Dont worry i have a random happy paragraph after this one that you can look forward to. Just get through it and understand where im coming from.
Baby i already mentioned this but im going to say it in another way. When you become upset with me put yourself in my shoes. When have i ever tried to upset you? Why would I? When you become upset with me you say dangerous things that are really hurtful to me. Sometimes i say things that may sound like i dont think about them before i say them. But I ALWAYS think about what i mean, i cant always find the correct words to describe to you what i mean. Next time just tell me to explain, I hope you know i will clear it up. I can't just forget about what you say to me.I need to bring this up and get it out of the way and i did but i want to make sure that you know that it does hurt me. Just something to save for the future. Can we talk about this tonight?
Now for the transition. 1. Don't worry or over think this ^ I just want to talk to you about it. Its not a problem because it doesnt happen often and we always work through it. 2. I know you know i care for you because its evident in my speech and actions which (you being the anaylist you are) you easily pick up on. But I'll say it plainly. Baby I care for you so much. I'm so lucky to have you. Look at todays secret.
Okay now onto my favorite subject- YOU! When I look at you I have the urge to sing aloud. Like any random happy song that pops into my head. Even if its not happy it gets turned into a happy song because of my mood. its like as soon as i see you and know that i get to come up to you and talk to you or hold your hand or kiss you or hug you or something i have the best feeling inside me. It's actually foreign to me because I do things to be around you that if i did to be around one of my friends i would strongly question myself. They would probably question me too. But anyways Everyday i begin thinking about seeing you after second period midpoint through 1st period, not because it gives me something to think about, I have You to think about. I always start off thinking about you with the thought of how i saw you last. Today it was at your car, you had your red target shirt(long sleeve) on, the khacky pants(yea you were right theyr khacky), and your favorite overcoat jacket thing with the skirt thing(iono but it looks really great on you). I just remember you leaning into your car about to step in, rushing because you were running out of time. and then i think back to what we did. Rushing to your car, back through the door, up the stairs, into your room where i found you a jacket even though you didnt want to wear the white one because of the fuzzies. Good thing you grabbed the overcoat jacket thing with the skirt thing because you might have been cold. While you were in the bathroom a grabbed you a pair of socks and stuffed them under the bathroom door even i knew you could have just as easily put them on on your bed. Back into bed we go and the beating heart in my throat that is our dissapearing time slowly lowers as we keep moving backwards in our day. Your phone goes off but you turn it off and continue to lay with me. I didnt want you to go to work either. Back to me rubbing your back and then us being close. Closer than just relaxed together. Even though it was kindof an accident.. Woops(not the first time though). Then to sleep. Those damn dishes are so annoying. Who wants to waste 20 minutes on them anyways. Who wants to hear about wasting 20 mins on them? Not you :) At least we got to do them together. *heart*. Back into bed. Annoyed and unwanting. turn that alarm off again :) much more relaxed and tired. Although we didnt sleep at all... Baby this is what goes through my head pretty much all day :) when i say im thinking about you this is what i mean. I basically relive all the moments we share together and somehow get free emotions from them. Good ones. AMAZING ones. Today it was that normal jacket and then the puffy winter jacket. IM NOT A STALKER!!!! ok maybe a little. :)

Todays Secret:
To an ocean that is this world, you are just another boat floating atop its swells. But to me you are the boat keeping me afloat, keeping me from sinking to its depths with all the others who know no such grace as yours.

Check out this video. It was really cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6sx0s4sRwo

Today WAS FUNNN!!!!!

Hey cutie just lettin ya know that today, i enjoyed every aspect of what we did especially the video games at the end <3 sleeping all day and not doing anything was the greatest with you :)

Todays secret: I think my favorite part about today besides knowing that i took you all the way there (YOU know) (< btw it was kindof hard to tell if you enjoyed it, i really hope you did) was either looking at your face when the fisherman from jaws died :] or my hopeless attempts at protecting you from the aliens and then would die and you come resue me :) although your impersonations of ThE DaRkNesS were priceless XD

<3 Joe

your video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXEq7WiINa4

this is to let you know that im practicing it :)